Kind of fallen off the healthy eating wagon the last few days. I’m trying very hard to get back on track with a yummy salad for lunch! Simple enough with romaine lettuce, tomato slices, grilled chicken breast strips, and fat free balsamic vinaigrette…
When I say tripped and fell I am meaning figuratively not literally. I have a really bad habit of binge eating and most days I walk the line. I’m getting better about getting it under control before it gets away from me but last night was not the case. No sir. Last night I had a fight with my favorite potato chips (a cheap store brand that I love) and sadly they won. No I’m not proud for what I did but I savored every last potato chip that I ate so that this won’t happen again any time soon. Today I have moved on instead of deciding to start over again on Monday and blowing the rest of the week. Progress is progress not matter how slow you go or how small the steps….
I write this because this passed Sunday I realized that although I have a great support group there is one person in particular that doesn’t really know how to support my weight loss efforts. At least that’s my feeling. This person is very close to me so it’s hard for me to deal with but I have to believe that he thinks he’s trying. Most times I just don’t think men completely understand what women go through when they are trying to lose weight so I guess any effort from them in terms of support should be applauded. I think. However at the time it just made me angry over the comment and I’m just now getting over it. But not before first working it out in a sweat session at the gym last night.
After swearing I would never rejoin Weight Watchers (I’m a repeat offender but in their defense I didn’t stick to the plan so how could it work for me?) I am now a member of their online community (again). This time feels different for me though; I’m in a better mind set about where I’m at physically and know what I need to do to get the weight off. I also have drilled it into my head that slow and steady wins the race; to lose the amount of weight I need to is not going to happen over night. Or in a matter of a couple of months. So I’ve been focusing on each day as it comes and have been tracking everything.
In terms of my lack of support from this particular individual I feel it’s a matter where I just need to sit him down and explain to him how best he can support me in my efforts and the things that really don’t help. Hopefully once he knows where I’m really coming from he will change his approach in trying to help me. I can only hope so but if not I have to realize the source and rely on those who really do support me in the positive way I need.
Creating habits is just as hard as breaking habits. At least that’s my opinion. I am trying to create a better habit of going to the gym daily (at least during the week) and breaking my bad eating habits (snacking and eating processed foods). Somehow they just aren’t cooperating with me…. Each week I say I’m going to do better but by the end of the week my efforts weren’t enough. That’s what happens when you don’t put in 100% like you should. I have wasted almost a whole month since going to the doctor and finding out I’m pre-diabetic by not making the changes I need to. Yes, I’m exercising more but am I putting in the effort that’s needed? I know I can’t start right back at where I left off when I was much smaller however I do think I could give myself a little extra push to workout harder. Results don’t happen from staying in your comfort zone; they happen when you step out of that zone and even fall on your face…. I’m not saying next week will be different because I’m not going to wait that long. I start today and so far it’s definitely different than yesterday.
I truly have a love/hate relationship with barre class. I have only been going on Thursdays but decided to check out the one on Mondays since it’s a different instructor. Oh my word! I almost died like twice. The instructor is super nice but seriously intense! I was even modifying some of the moves and my legs were still shaking. You gotta remember that I’m a big girl so what’s hard for the “normal” sized person is even harder for me because it’s mostly body weight exercises. But I’m trying and I hope to improve with each class. I still feel slightly out of place since I’m the largest person there but once class starts I go to my “happy place” and just focus on the moves and the sweat running down my face. I tend to tune everyone else out, except the instructor. I’m a visual person so I can’t just listen to what’s being said, I need to watch how to place my feet, how far to plie down, etc.
I know this class will be very beneficial to me and that’s why I keep going. Don’t get me wrong, I dread the thought of going because I know how hard I’m going to work but the results will pay off with consistency. Why am I going to waste my time going if I’m not going to give 100% ? And dare I say maybe I will go twice a week instead of just once? I’m thinking that will be a good idea because not only am I getting in a great workout but I’m also visiting with friends and I’m getting in some “me” time….
Happy exercising!
So last night was my second attempt at Barre Class and I admit although it’s a tough class for me I do like it. But I almost didn’t go last night. Why? Because as I walked out of my office I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window and was disgusted/embarrassed by it. I am by no means small and have gained a ton of weight over the last couple of years; I’m right back to where I was before I lost the weight. So my thought was that I didn’t belong in the barre class. I am by far the largest person in the class; everyone else is significantly smaller and in much better shape than me. What business did I have of being in that class?
But I went anyway so I wouldn’t disappoint my gym buddy who was waiting for me. Overall I’m glad I went because the class is great; I leave there sweating like crazy and my legs are shaking. Yes, I’m still the biggest person in the class but nobody points it out because we are too focused on our plie squats. Not to mention the instructor is amazing; she always says there’s no judgment in the class, some are starting over, just starting, or seasoned barre veterans and there’s no shame in where we are at. I love it.
No, I can’t get my leg quite as high as the others and I do modify my downward dog but I still work hard at the level I’m at. I push myself hard and hope that as each class goes by it gets just a little bit easier for me. We all have to start somewhere and this is my starting point…
So Thursdays have become the night where I go to barre class after work. I’ve only been once before but really liked it and tonight would be my second class. But part of me is lazy and just wants to go for a leisurely walk or go home altogether. Well, my gym buddy let me know early on that she may not be able to go due to her schedule so all day I’m thinking, Great, maybe I won’t have to go afterall! Crossed my fingers and toes just about all day until she text me to say she’d be there. Guess I’m going to barre class tonight!
Really, if it weren’t for Melanie (my gym buddy) I wouldn’t make it to the gym nearly half as much as I do. I’m trying to increase my days there but dang it it’s so hard to get motivated in the mornings! Alas, if I want to drop some of this weight I really shouldn’t be looking for excuses not to go to the gym. So I’m going. And I have Melanie to thank for that. I mean, check out her impact on my April calendar…
You know, I can’t even remember when I last posted on here. Sometime last year my world was turned upside down when my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. After several months of post op recovery, chemo and radiation there were times when we didn’t know anything. But then we were told she was cancer-free. Our world started going back to “normal” and our lives kind of picked up where we left off. A lot of things were put on hold, like my blog. I’m hoping I can get back into it regularly but we shall see.
A recap of my year:
1. I celebrated my 2nd anniversary with my husband
2. I gained a lot of weight. A lot.
3. I almost left my husband.
4. I stopped exercising for the most part.
5. My husband and I are now better than ever. I think he finally “gets it”….
6. I am now exercising 4-5 days a week at a local gym and have an awesome gym buddy that keeps me accountable.
7. I have been diagnosed w/ pre diabetes. Not cool.
8. Starting a family has been a recent topic in our household.
9. My mom is so freakin’ skinny AND she’s exercising 2-3 days a week! Super proud of her!
I think that pretty much sums up a lot of what has been going on. I’m trying desperately to get my eating under control so the pre diabetes doesn’t turn into full diabetes; I certainly don’t want to be on insulin or test my blood sugar throughout the day. Not to mention, I’m already pretty big and have a hard time doing certain things (like tying my shoes) so how is this baby going to work into the mix? I don’t want to wait to lose the weight to have a baby because I’m ready now. I’ve been ready.
I don’t know what the next few months will hold but I do know that when I go back to the doctor in September I’m hoping to be slimmer and to get a good report. I’m also hoping to be carrying a bun in the oven… Will catch up with you again soon 🙂
Finding My Inner Fabulousness 