Gotta start some where, right?!
Owning where I’m at…
It’s hard for me to post this pic because I have friends/family that read some of my posts but I have to get over that.
This is where I’m at currently and my goal is to stop feeling sorry for myself and start making changes. I can’t expect results if I don’t put in the work.
Will post monthly pics with an update on weight to hold myself accountable. Here goes nothing!
Trusting the Process
I’ve been fighting it for the last 2-3 years but I think I’ve finally accepted where I’m at in terms of my weight and what I need to do to not only get it off but to also start being more health conscious. I think I was in denial for the beginning and then as the weight crept back on it was more like I no longer trusted the process for taking it off. For me it felt like losing weight the first time was a one-shot deal and it wouldn’t happen again. Bizarre thought but it finally clicked with me about two weeks ago that that’s how I felt. I could now pinpoint the issue and deal with it head on.
My other revelation is that I need to start taking better care of me. I’m not just talking eating right and exercising. I’m talking emotionally and mentally, too. I put myself on the back burner for the passed few years and stopped making myself a priority. I’ve mentioned it in some previous posts but I would forego exercising just so I could get into the office early and get started on my work for the day or skip the gym in the evenings because I felt like I had to rush home to start dinner for my husband and take care of what I needed to in terms of laundry, cleaning up, etc. Then I realized my work still got done if I went in on time instead of an hour early and that my house didn’t fall down just because I went to the gym instead of home to do laundry and put food on the table. What a concept!
So I’m starting to slow down. Last time I checked my husband is a grown man and can fend for himself in terms of getting dinner and if he has to re-wear a pair of underwear because I didn’t do laundry then he either needs to use extra deodorant or just go ahead and start helping with the laundry. Love you honey but seriously it’s now about me. My health and happiness depends on it.
I’ve also come to the conclusion that I may not be able to change my circumstances or surroundings but I can change my attitude in how I react to things. A lot of times I was making myself miserable, especially at work. I can’t change who I work with and how they work (or don’t work!) but I can change how I react to them and how I deal with them. It was like a load was lifted off my shoulders and I started feeling a lot less stressed at work. Not sweating the small stuff has been amazing!
Do I still have a lot of work to do? Yes, absolutely! But my mindset has changed. I’m living one day at a time and being more thankful for the life I already have. Loving ME right now has become my #1 priority; it’s a strange feeling that I’m not quite used to but I’m enjoying every minute of it….
Day 1 of 100 Days of Movement
Yesterday was actually day one but didn’t get a chance to post last night. Since I didn’t officially exercise my goal was to get in nothing less than 10,000 steps. Had to do some pacing in the kitchen/living room but ended with 10,021 steps! Super proud of myself. Now onto Day 2!
Vacation!
So last week my family took a vacation and we went to Wildwood, NJ. We were last there about 12 years ago and since moving to Georgia we haven’t had a chance to return. We had a wonderful time and couldn’t have asked for better weather. Just getting away from every day life and work was a great way to hit the reset button.
At first I was concerned about my eating because I knew I couldn’t afford to gain too much more weight or none of my clothes would fit. But then I relaxed and just tried to make better choices while still indulging. We didn’t eat out every day for every meal so eating at the hotel definitely helped out quite a bit; one day we even cooked out on the hotel’s grill. Not to mention all of the walking we did on the boardwalk made a huge difference.
I was stoked when I got home because I weighed myself on my normal weigh-in day (Sunday) and I actually lost 3lbs! How does that happen?! Definitely a first for me. Was super excited and realized that stressing over food every day is probably what holds most of us up from seeing results. By letting my hair down a little and allowing those indulgences I actually lost weight. Pretty cool is what I would say 🙂
Enough is enough! Or is it?
These last few days have been difficult with me in terms of eating. Still not as bad as what I used to be but certainly not where I should be. And I keep asking myself, What is it going to take for you to stop with the self-destruction?! I have to go back to my doctor in just under three months and I haven’t lost much more than a couple of pounds altogether (I last saw him a month ago); if I go back and I haven’t lost any significant weight he’s going to put me on medication for diabetes (not shots). So what is my problem?! I’m so frustrated with myself and my lack of commitment/motivation to be a healthier person.
Minus the whole diabetes medication thing, here is a list of other personal benefits I stand to gain by losing weight:
- I will no longer have difficulty putting on tennis shoes (hard for me to put on and to tie)
- I will have a closet full of clothes to wear that no longer fit
- I will be in better shape for having a baby (we’re working on it)
- Lots of health problems in my family related to heart conditions, diabetes, cancer, etc and losing weight would decrease my chances
- I will have regained my confidence that I worked so hard for when I first lost weight
- I will be able to do various recreational activities with my husband that I can’t do currently
- I will be comfortable in my own skin again
Those are just a few but seriously I am the only one holding me back. I am self-destructing with my overeating and basically wasting my time at the gym. I’m not seeing the results from my hard work because I continue to overeat. I’m trying to figure out why. It’s just food. I know we need to eat to survive but how can food have such control over me? It’s like my willpower is blown away by a small freakin’ cookie (or two or three)!!
Really trying to come to turns with what I need to do and where I want to go. Not one single diet out there is going to work if I don’t follow it. Every day I have to block negative self-talk because I know that certainly won’t help the situation. I really hope that I can put my big girl panties on and deal with it (one of my fave sayings) before it’s too late…
Salad, Salad, Salad!!
Kind of fallen off the healthy eating wagon the last few days. I’m trying very hard to get back on track with a yummy salad for lunch! Simple enough with romaine lettuce, tomato slices, grilled chicken breast strips, and fat free balsamic vinaigrette…
Tripped and Fell
When I say tripped and fell I am meaning figuratively not literally. I have a really bad habit of binge eating and most days I walk the line. I’m getting better about getting it under control before it gets away from me but last night was not the case. No sir. Last night I had a fight with my favorite potato chips (a cheap store brand that I love) and sadly they won. No I’m not proud for what I did but I savored every last potato chip that I ate so that this won’t happen again any time soon. Today I have moved on instead of deciding to start over again on Monday and blowing the rest of the week. Progress is progress not matter how slow you go or how small the steps….
Lack of Support
I write this because this passed Sunday I realized that although I have a great support group there is one person in particular that doesn’t really know how to support my weight loss efforts. At least that’s my feeling. This person is very close to me so it’s hard for me to deal with but I have to believe that he thinks he’s trying. Most times I just don’t think men completely understand what women go through when they are trying to lose weight so I guess any effort from them in terms of support should be applauded. I think. However at the time it just made me angry over the comment and I’m just now getting over it. But not before first working it out in a sweat session at the gym last night.
After swearing I would never rejoin Weight Watchers (I’m a repeat offender but in their defense I didn’t stick to the plan so how could it work for me?) I am now a member of their online community (again). This time feels different for me though; I’m in a better mind set about where I’m at physically and know what I need to do to get the weight off. I also have drilled it into my head that slow and steady wins the race; to lose the amount of weight I need to is not going to happen over night. Or in a matter of a couple of months. So I’ve been focusing on each day as it comes and have been tracking everything.
In terms of my lack of support from this particular individual I feel it’s a matter where I just need to sit him down and explain to him how best he can support me in my efforts and the things that really don’t help. Hopefully once he knows where I’m really coming from he will change his approach in trying to help me. I can only hope so but if not I have to realize the source and rely on those who really do support me in the positive way I need.
Creating Habits
Creating habits is just as hard as breaking habits. At least that’s my opinion. I am trying to create a better habit of going to the gym daily (at least during the week) and breaking my bad eating habits (snacking and eating processed foods). Somehow they just aren’t cooperating with me…. Each week I say I’m going to do better but by the end of the week my efforts weren’t enough. That’s what happens when you don’t put in 100% like you should. I have wasted almost a whole month since going to the doctor and finding out I’m pre-diabetic by not making the changes I need to. Yes, I’m exercising more but am I putting in the effort that’s needed? I know I can’t start right back at where I left off when I was much smaller however I do think I could give myself a little extra push to workout harder. Results don’t happen from staying in your comfort zone; they happen when you step out of that zone and even fall on your face…. I’m not saying next week will be different because I’m not going to wait that long. I start today and so far it’s definitely different than yesterday.
Finding My Inner Fabulousness 