So last week my family took a vacation and we went to Wildwood, NJ. We were last there about 12 years ago and since moving to Georgia we haven’t had a chance to return. We had a wonderful time and couldn’t have asked for better weather. Just getting away from every day life and work was a great way to hit the reset button.

At first I was concerned about my eating because I knew I couldn’t afford to gain too much more weight or none of my clothes would fit. But then I relaxed and just tried to make better choices while still indulging. We didn’t eat out every day for every meal so eating at the hotel definitely helped out quite a bit; one day we even cooked out on the hotel’s grill. Not to mention all of the walking we did on the boardwalk made a huge difference.

I was stoked when I got home because I weighed myself on my normal weigh-in day (Sunday) and I actually lost 3lbs! How does that happen?! Definitely a first for me. Was super excited and realized that stressing over food every day is probably what holds most of us up from seeing results. By letting my hair down a little and allowing those indulgences I actually lost weight. Pretty cool is what I would say :)

Enough is enough! Or is it?

These last few days have been difficult with me in terms of eating. Still not as bad as what I used to be but certainly not where I should be. And I keep asking myself, What is it going to take for you to stop with the self-destruction?! I have to go back to my doctor in just under three months and I haven’t lost much more than a couple of pounds altogether (I last saw him a month ago); if I go back and I haven’t lost any significant weight he’s going to put me on medication for diabetes (not shots). So what is my problem?! I’m so frustrated with myself and my lack of commitment/motivation to be a healthier person.

Minus the whole diabetes medication thing, here is a list of other personal benefits I stand to gain by losing weight:

  1. I will no longer have difficulty putting on tennis shoes (hard for me to put on and to tie)
  2. I will have a closet full of clothes to wear that no longer fit
  3. I will be in better shape for having a baby (we’re working on it)
  4. Lots of health problems in my family related to heart conditions, diabetes, cancer, etc and losing weight would decrease my chances
  5. I will have regained my confidence that I worked so hard for when I first lost weight
  6. I will be able to do various recreational activities with my husband that I can’t do currently
  7. I will be comfortable in my own skin again

Those are just a few but seriously I am the only one holding me back. I am self-destructing with my overeating and basically wasting my time at the gym. I’m not seeing the results from my hard work because I continue to overeat. I’m trying to figure out why. It’s just food. I know we need to eat to survive but how can food have such control over me? It’s like my willpower is blown away by a small freakin’ cookie (or two or three)!!

Really trying to come to turns with what I need to do and where I want to go. Not one single diet out there is going to work if I don’t follow it. Every day I have to block negative self-talk because I know that certainly won’t help the situation. I really hope that I can put my big girl panties on and deal with it (one of my fave sayings) before it’s too late…

Salad, Salad, Salad!!

Salad, Salad, Salad!!

Kind of fallen off the healthy eating wagon the last few days. I’m trying very hard to get back on track with a yummy salad for lunch! Simple enough with romaine lettuce, tomato slices, grilled chicken breast strips, and fat free balsamic vinaigrette…

Tripped and Fell

When I say tripped and fell I am meaning figuratively not literally. I have a really bad habit of binge eating and most days I walk the line. I’m getting better about getting it under control before it gets away from me but last night was not the case. No sir. Last night I had a fight with my favorite potato chips (a cheap store brand that I love) and sadly they won. No I’m not proud for what I did but I savored every last potato chip that I ate so that this won’t happen again any time soon. Today I have moved on instead of deciding to start over again on Monday and blowing the rest of the week. Progress is progress not matter how slow you go or how small the steps….

Lack of Support

I write this because this passed Sunday I realized that although I have a great support group there is one person in particular that doesn’t really know how to support my weight loss efforts. At least that’s my feeling. This person is very close to me so it’s hard for me to deal with but I have to believe that he thinks he’s trying. Most times I just don’t think men completely understand what women go through when they are trying to lose weight so I guess any effort from them in terms of support should be applauded. I think. However at the time it just made me angry over the comment and I’m just now getting over it. But not before first working it out in a sweat session at the gym last night.

After swearing I would never rejoin Weight Watchers (I’m a repeat offender but in their defense I didn’t stick to the plan so how could it work for me?) I am now a member of their online community (again). This time feels different for me though; I’m in a better mind set about where I’m at physically and know what I need to do to get the weight off. I also have drilled it into my head that slow and steady wins the race; to lose the amount of weight I need to is not going to happen over night. Or in a matter of a couple of months. So I’ve been focusing on each day as it comes and have been tracking everything.

In terms of my lack of support from this particular individual I feel it’s a matter where I just need to sit him down and explain to him how best he can support me in my efforts and the things that really don’t help. Hopefully once he knows where I’m really coming from he will change his approach in trying to help me. I can only hope so but if not I have to realize the source and rely on those who really do support me in the positive way I need.

Creating Habits

Creating habits is just as hard as breaking habits. At least that’s my opinion. I am trying to create a better habit of going to the gym daily (at least during the week) and breaking my bad eating habits (snacking and eating processed foods). Somehow they just aren’t cooperating with me…. Each week I say I’m going to do better but by the end of the week my efforts weren’t enough. That’s what happens when you don’t put in 100% like you should. I have wasted almost a whole month since going to the doctor and finding out I’m pre-diabetic by not making the changes I need to. Yes, I’m exercising more but am I putting in the effort that’s needed? I know I can’t start right back at where I left off when I was much smaller however I do think I could give myself a little extra push to workout harder. Results don’t happen from staying in your comfort zone; they happen when you step out of that zone and even fall on your face…. I’m not saying next week will be different because I’m not going to wait that long. I start today and so far it’s definitely different than yesterday.

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger, Right?

I truly have a love/hate relationship with barre class. I have only been going on Thursdays but decided to check out the one on Mondays since it’s a different instructor. Oh my word! I almost died like twice. The instructor is super nice but seriously intense! I was even modifying some of the moves and my legs were still shaking. You gotta remember that I’m a big girl so what’s hard for the “normal” sized person is even harder for me because it’s mostly┬ábody weight exercises. But I’m trying and I hope to improve with each class. I still feel slightly out of place since I’m the largest person there but once class starts I go to my “happy place” and just focus on the moves and the sweat running down my face. I tend to tune everyone else out, except the instructor. I’m a visual person so I can’t just listen to what’s being said, I need to watch how to place my feet, how far to plie down, etc.

I know this class will be very beneficial to me and that’s why I keep going. Don’t get me wrong, I dread the thought of going because I know how hard I’m going to work but the results will pay off with consistency. Why am I going to waste my time going if I’m not going to give 100% ? And dare I say maybe I will go twice a week instead of just once? I’m thinking that will be a good idea because not only am I getting in a great workout but I’m also visiting with friends and I’m getting in some “me” time….

Happy exercising!